bubble bath

i need to feel
i need to not

i need to stop and remember to breathe
just breathe
that's what we all do isn't it?

and life just continues
it moves on
with or without me
or you

i don't hate you
i can't forget you
i can't forgive you
i can't let go
i can only breathe

breathing isn't helping
it's all so cliche
and mundane

my can't i feel anything?
why do i always prepare to cry
and never allow the tears to fall

i want to break free
get away from this place

it hits home
no matter how far or fast i run
i am what i'm running from
and i can't outrun myself

or the past
i'll only run into the future
i've been here before
the answers are the same
to the questions i never asked

there's nothing left to say
i never had a choice
did i?

thoughts are flying
always have to remember to breathe

i should give in
and cry

but then again
who says i should?
what does their opinion matter?

what do i matter?
don't say what you feel you should
"but you do matter"

why do you feel the need to lie
anyone
anytime
can get over
anything

we all deal with things in our own way
this one is killing me
i've forgotten the details

it has become dreamlike
as if i'm holding my breath underwater
as long as i keep my eyes and mouth shut
i'm not really underwater

if i open my eyes
i see everything swirling around me
peaceful as all things are
when drifting afloat

however
when i open my mouth to scream...

scream you might ask?
why would someone scream at the serenity?

it's a lurking evil
waiting to pounce out from the shadows
i can sense it, it's definitely there

maybe
probably
perhaps?

definitely?

what do i know
i just stuck my head underwater
and took a deep breath

my eyes were open
the water caressing them
represented the tears i was never quite able to cry

i don't hate you
i don't hate you
i can't forget you
i can't forgive you
i can't let go
i can only breathe

finally