cauterized

it's taken me this long to realize
it seems I should feel foolish

I think it just takes the heart some time
to coincide with the mind
and heaven only knows what the body thinks

I think it hurt
physically

but for so long
the mental and the actual
were the same thing

so how I am to blame myself
for not being able to tell the difference?


What the hell is this poetic crap? There is nothing poetic about what happened. The point here is that it's in the past. Now when I think about it, when I recall that night and what really happened, it does not hurt. Am I past the hurt? I don't know, I don't care. The point is the here and now, the faded scar. The fading memories. It has ceased to hurt me. In a strange way, I am bothered by this. Shouldn't I feel thankful? Perhaps even relieved? In my own way, I realize how little it all meant. Now, I can scarcely remember the way I felt. I hope no one ever makes me feel that way again. I am glad to be free, to be back in control.

I'm almost certain it's a beautiful world.