anger

I'm angry. I'm so very angry.

It's deep, and dangerous... and it doesn't feel good.

I have no where to channel my anger.

Turns out you can't avoid your family forever.

The past will eventually catch up, that makes me sad.

Am I sad?

Or am I angry?

I don't even know who I really am.

I need to go back to therapy, and I keep putting off making the phone call.

One day I'm gonna get the phone call that she died. I don't know what I'll do. There's nothing I can do. That's what makes it all so shitty. Death is final and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Knowing she's dying both fills me with regret for not living a happier life, and makes me want to start living a happier life right the fuck now. Then I get angry I'm so sad and that it's interfering with me living that happier life.

When I first found out she was dying, the tears were frequent. Then they stopped. Like if I didn't cry it wasn't happening.


Well, this writing thing accomplished what it was supposed to, I suppose.

I started angry, and then I cried. And now I'll try to forget about it.

Thanks world.