One afternoon while sitting on your couch you break out in a cold sweat, and your life is never the same again. You strip off your clothes and grab a few towels before stepping into the shower. The water begins to beat down on your body as little droplets splash off of you and begin to clutter the shower door. You aren't sure where it begins but you know where it ends.
Shaking uncontrollably, you stare wide eyed at the droplets cascading down the shower walls. Your mind begins to unravel- you dont feel it but you can see it. You stand on the other side of the shower door- dry and watching yourself come unglued.
You want to hide, to run as far away as you can manage and never once look back. Something is stopping you... that body that you are trapped in.
Someday you will be loved and you will love yourself in return.
Until that day, you simply cannot shake the desire to die. Much like a fire, it consumes your body, leaving you thirsty for more. You want to drink death until it leaves you empty.
You have a head start- you are already empty. Sucked dry from all the leeches in this life. After all, you gave of yourself so freely.
It is so easy to forget to look at the night sky, even easier when you neglect to set foot outside for fear of the wind caressing your fingertips. Why does this frighten you? Everything in life is at your fingertips, waiting for you to reach out and grab ahold of it. The fear lies in knowing that if feeling registers in your fingertips then something deep inside of you will click and you will realize you are what possesses your body.
So where does this leave you? Shivering alone on your couch, desiring to stop. To stop everything and cease to exist.
All because you don't know how to feel.
"silently gets harder to ignore :: and unpredictable won't bother me anymore :: look straight ahead :: there's nothing left to see :: what's done is done :: this life has got its hold on me :: just let it go :: what now can never be"
No comments:
Post a Comment